Floater Friend

If you don’t know what a floater friend it’s when someone knows a lot of people but isn’t really close with any of them. Lately I’ve come to realize that’s me. Meeting people and making friends has never been an issue for me. Getting close to people terrifies me because I know it’s going to hurt when they end up leaving or we end up going our separate ways. Besides family. I've never had anyone stay in my life. I’ve only had friends for a season. That makes it more difficult to open up and be vulnerable with people around me, especially serving in the military. Which makes it that much more lonely. The question that keeps popping in my head is “Why get close to people if they end up leaving anyways?”. I won’t lie, it does get lonely sometimes because my love language is Physical Touch and Time. Not being able to get both of those things have been affecting my life tremendously. Especially when I try to respect other people’s boundaries, I’m not the type of person to just randomly touch other people because It’s something that I crave. So I just sit in my room feeling sorry for myself and wondering what I’m doing wrong for people to always leave and never stay in my life that’s not bound by blood and why I’m never someone’s first choice or favorite person.