War From Within

As a civilian you never really know what being in the military does to a person without experiencing it for yourself. The experience that people back home don’t understand. The mixed feeling of saying goodbye to your friends and family back home when you ship off to boot camp and your first duty station not knowing when you’ll see them again. The feeling of being treated as a number rather than a person. On the bright side you get to meet the most amazing people you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Through the different obstacles that the military throws at you, you get to create these bonds that become your family. You become closer than your friends and family back home. The bonds that understand everything that you’re enduring because they're experiencing the same sacrifice. The number 1 sacrifice we service members experience is time. They know what it's like to miss all the same milestones that you’re missing, birthdays, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, holidays, all the first for your kid, your kid being born etc… Making it more difficult and also bittersweet to say goodbye when your contract ends. The longer you stay in, the more the service weighs on your mental health and body. The more you have to lean on the people you serve with because if you don’t you’re not going to be able to survive on your own as a lone wolf. It’s going to overwhelm you and become too heavy for you to carry. You have to remember that you’re not alone, there are other service members experiencing the same as you even though it looks like it's not affecting them as much as you. It’s the number 1 reason why service members use alcohol to escape their feelings and what they're dealing with. It’s their time to get loose and numb their pain. I know because I’ve tried to do the same thing. I started to live recklessly because to be honest I didn’t care what would happen to me. I started to drink heavily to a point I don’t even remember the night trying to escape the pain and the thoughts running inside my mind. Especially after experiencing 3 people in my life taking their lives in a span of 9 months. The grief and guilt almost pushed me into taking mine. The “what if” mentality kept rising to the surface wondering what I could’ve done to stop what happened. Trying to look back at all the moments we crossed paths to see if they showed any signs. The thought of “maybe it’s a sign” that I should do the same thing. Maybe they know something that we’re not seeing or understanding. Thankfully for close friends that I had in my corner they got me the help that I needed to still be here today. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still struggle with the same depressing feeling. I just have the tools and the resources to overcome them. I started to surround myself with friends and family that actually care and have my back. The type of relationships with love and no judgement. I’ve decided to create this blog to share my mental health journey while serving in the military. Share the ups and downs. Stay tune for more to come. Thank you!